speaking of

13/06/26 - 23:44

lately i've been feeling really good :D. i haven't felt this way in a long time if ever. all the monkeys that i find clawing at my back either get shot immediately or get sat in a cage with the trust that i'll get around to them in a timely manner. previously, they'd attach and stay there, adding to the ever-growing eldritch mass of monkey that was my posterior. the last major monkey was breaking to my mum that i'm a failure artist bitch bird™ and now that that monkey's dead, i feel like i can finally turn over a new leaf. like i can finally look forward upon new horizons in this wild world of city folk... pocket camp.

speaking of new things,
ocarina of time remake :0. i don't have a switch 2 though so i can only point and pog from a distance.
remember kids, remakes are only bad if you don't care for the source material :>.

speaking of games,
everyone who has ever lived has been blowing up my phone with one question "when is the hit game 789 by the ever-dashing developer mx. crow corvidae coming out" and i've come with a message to satiate the people: "the end is nigh (of the development of the game that is (not of my life (fingers crossed)))". like a week ago, i managed to get into my old laptop and migrate all my files to my new laptop (gods bless google drive) including the project file for 789. a few days ago, i managed to work around an issue that caused me to put the project down (the fuckass godot animation tree node connecter advance expressions just refused to work). i now have a finite (mental) checklist to get through before the project can be called finished :>. i'd be really surprised if i don't wrangle it all down by the time summer ends but who tf knows. now that i think about it, i started 789 about a year ago. this shouldn't've taken a year. although then again, i "shouldn't've lived for longer than a day" according to doctors, but that's a story for another day. some might say that i shouldn't've written 'shouldn't've' four times in the span of three sentences. who cares. follow your dreams kids.

speaking of following one's dreams,
i've been accepted to study games design at a uni in my hometown :D. i initially made an attempt at software engineering, the success of which has been somewhat documented in previous blog posts but tldr, i became cripplingly depressed and shat the bed. proverbially speaking. my sheets are clean. my mental was definitely attacked by a bunch of things (coming out going less than well, dysphoria following the loss of a coat i liked, laptop and phone dying) but when it came down to it, i didn't care enough about software engineering to push through the pain. truth be told, i've known that i wanted make games ever since watching Masahiro Sakurai's show when it started back in 2022 (i absolutely recommend to anyone, not all of it will be for everyone but i hope that you can find a section that you like). the only reason i didn't pursue game dev post secondary school was because i wasn't making games when the time to decide came around. so i managed to convince myself that i should study software engineering and do game dev on the side, in hopes that i'd get employed by some game dev company or something. i guess they call it full-time uni for a reason though because you do really need to commit. and so maybe a better bird than i would be able to balance uni with hobbyist game dev but i sadly wasn't strong enough.
i fear that the course will end up being useless in terms of the skills gained. although i feel like that's the stigma speaking. i guess i'll never know until i start.
i'll miss the friends i made in glasgow (some of whom may even be reading this right now. hello :>). it's kinda weird to think this nest wouldn't even exist if it weren't for my friends who had sites before me. but then again, i wonder if i'd just be swept into the neocities hype from a different direction. who knows.
i fear i've rushed into this all too fast. art isn't exactly known for raking in the big bucks. and although there is definitely money to be made in the games industry, i'm a pretentious little birdy who loves games for the art and so although i'm not against money, i'm not concerned with chasing it.

speaking of chasing money,
job? employment? i had an interview the yesterday. i think it went well. although i won't know for sure until i get a call back. i'm hesitant to say the name of the company incase they track me down and slime me out (very logical connection, i know). but just know that very soon, i may be under a certain monarch, a particular king of the burger variety. or they'll reject me. and i'll be a starving artist for the rest of my days.

speaking of artist,
lil darkie released a few pieces of physical media the other day including 'yang' on cassette. i realised i've got myself in somewhat of a bind. i can't buy a cassette player because i don't have any cassettes. but i also can't buy any cassettes because i don't have a player. i guess the solution would be to buy my first cassette and player together at the same time. but then the numbers start counting up quickly especially when you're buying from America. i hate shipping costs :<.

speaking of shipping boxes (i'm too far in, i can't quit now),
i dug through all our boxes (we moved recently) looking for my brother's drawing tablet that he bought and used like twice for osu. upon uncovering the box. the tablet was there :D but the pen was nowhere to be found :<. people should really take more care to not lose things out of consideration for people who want to steal them >:(.
i'm gonna go work on 789. is what i would say if i was a liar. because in actuality, i'm gonna go write the first two paragraphs of this post fuck you.

speaking of fucking,
- crow

P.S.

i'm trying out typing this out in notepad before pasting it into neocities and it has come to my attention that notepad wants to correct 'corvidae' to 'cervidae'. institutionalised racism.
also this blog post has made me realise how hard it is to read shit on my site. i should try fix that.