on 'on comfort zones & 'style''

15/07/26 - 22:51

22:55

i just read lena raine's blog post, 'On Comfort Zones & 'Style''.

the part that led me to write this (in between prolonged stares out the window, at the blue-grey, cloud filled sky, neatly cropped off by the picture of baby me tucked in the corner of the windowsill) was her words on her perception of otherside, a track she composed for minecraft, and how it differed from the fan perception.

give it a listen

i don't know what i thought of it when i first heard it. or if i even thought at all about it. i likely heard it as part of a minecraft advertisement. or perhaps in the background of a youtube video. i can at least be fairly certain that my first listen was not on a random disc i found in a chest i found while exploring the expansive caves and cliffs of a minecraft wold. when it came time for me to hear it in game, i think remember it being met with an "oh, i recognise this one" before promptly forgetting that i had it playing in my jukebox and running off to check up on Old Mate the potato farmer in the neighbouring village.

re-listening to it now (albeit after reading lena's words on it) i here a happy track. not sickeningly happy (although now that i think about it, i don't really know what sickeningly happy really would be for me in terms of music), more the type of shit that'd play as characters frolic through fields or race in shopping trolleys between stacked shelves.

if you're unfamiliar, the song is on a cd that you can find at random inside of structures in the niche indie game, minecraft. (i'm well funny). because this is a cd track, as opposed to the ambient backing soundtrack of minecraft, lena was given full creative control when it came to what this piece could be.

lena described the piece as "a very angry piece. a forced smile when you're burning up inside."

i'm not really sure why this description floored me as much as it did. maybe because i, in my current situation, relate to the sentiment a lot. maybe it's because of how the mismatch between producer and consumer perceptions can act as a sort of microcosm of how big corporations (microsoft) have the habit of taking artists and their art (mojang and lena raine's minecraft and music) and sanitising out what makes it special for the sake of widespread appeal and, by extension, money. or maybe i'm just so much of a pretentious slob that the mere suggestion that my perception of a piece of art could be wrong in some way has sent me into a spiral that can only be calmed by posting on my blog :/

"being forced to smile against your will" is a motif that has plagued my years, and is a motif that i know will permeate through my art. so seeing this internally angry piece be made to dance by the powers that be to the point that i couldn't perceive the hurt until it was told to me in pain text, makes me start to wonder what my future holds.

if there's any industry i would want to work in, it would definitely be the games industry. however would i be cut out for it? would i be able to work under someone? take orders for the sake of the project?

i talked a bit with my mum today, and during our talks she asked something to the effect of "have you looked at job opportunities". i hadn't. and in the roughly 3-ish hours since she asked, i still haven't. i mentioned this in a past post but i feel like i'm rushing. like i'm too positive, too naive. like at some point whether it be tomorrow or at the end of my course, that i'm going to be hit with the reality that making art for a living is an impossibility. maybe if i'm lucky, i'll get a job in the games industry, but will i be working towards the visions of artists as on-fire as i. or will i forever be stuck making slop for the trough. a thief of both the currency of your wallet and soul until the day we both return to the dust from where we once came.

for as long as i have the artist brain worm, i'll look forward to a future where i have both the skill and freedom to create to my heart's content.

and as i continue to look... over at the blinds now covering the windows (it's about 00:25 now, i should go to sleep),
i hope that i'm not too naive in my optimism.

- crow

p.s.

really cute and artsy ending but it turns out i have 5 copies of cat that i thought was otherside. um, here's old mate though :>